My mother passed away on Saturday, August 14th, 2010. She was 74. I still don't think it has fully hit me yet. Still processing. It was not too long ago (3 years or so?) that she was diagnosed with Alzheimers. She had not been feeling right and on the 14th my aunt and uncle found her disoriented on her bedroom floor. She had had a heart attack. In the Emergency Room they detected her dangerously low blood pressure and high heart rate (it appeared to be working over-time to compensate), and worked to get both a bit more stable. By the time visiting hours were over and my aunt and uncle headed home, the news was that she had improved. Not long after they left, the call came that my mom had passed. That fast. The service was Thursday morning. A very small gathering of family graveside. My mom was cremated and buried at the foot of her father's plot. She rests with her parents. Just as she had wanted.
Glenn and I got back to Savannah late this past Saturday night. I intended to make this entry Sunday afternoon/evening, but each time I made my approach to the computer I hit a mental wall. Not sure what to say. My brain is so muddled with...everything...and nothing. It had been roughly fifteen years since I had seen my mom. There were reasons, but they don't matter anymore. It's all history, and history is...well, history. We had started communicating again just a few years ago. Mostly via the postal service. Lately, I had been gearing up to possibly visit her. Over these last few years I had addressed a question a number of times...how would I feel if mom passed away and I had not seen her again? Well, I feel a lot of things. Everything happens for a reason. For whatever reason. I guess all I can say is I'll feel whatever I feel when I feel it...however long it takes.
Mom was an extremely talented artist. She had work in a couple of galleries and had pieces in a few art shows over the years. The potential was definitely there for her to get some serious notice. Oil paints on canvas was her primary medium, and her work was abstract. I'm really happy that I have a couple of her pieces. One I got when I was in Tennessee for the service. She also had a great sense of humor, and was fast with a quip. Anyone who knew her would second that. She was a sharp gal. Quite hip for her age, and very artsy. On a side note: My brother, nephew, and I had a good laugh when we got in mom's car to drive back over to my aunt and uncle's house. Her car is an Audi TT (a really zippy/sporty number), and as we were heading down the road my brother switched on the radio. The car filled with hip hop music. My nephew Karl said, "Grandma Jeep!", and burst into laughter. We all had a good laugh on that. My 74 year old mother driving down the road in that flashy little car with hip hop music pounding away. What an image.
My first visit to her condo was...I want to say weird. It felt weird. Entering her home when she was no longer there. I discovered immediately that I was wrong. She was there. She was in every nook and cranny. Every direction I looked I saw things from the past. From years past. From the time before our extended blackout period (so to speak). Various pieces of furniture. A number of pieces of art she had purchased from artists that she had gotten to know over the years. Many I knew, as well. At times it was difficult. I can't properly articulate just how it was difficult, just like I can't properly articulate the myriad of feelings I'm still trying to sift through now. I'm glad that there were several family members and Glenn with me that first trip to the condo. It helped a lot.
I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to face the future with Alzheimers. In the letters and notes she sent me I could tell of it's effects. Trying to come terms with the fact that eventually you'd pretty much forget who everyone was, where you were...probably even who you are. While in the ER on the 14th she insisted on signing a DNR. No heroic measures. I understand her reasons. As I said, I can't imagine what she must have felt about her future. Someone said that maybe it was a blessing that she passed on now, before she really started to lose her faculties. I suppose. I know she's in a better place. I so hope that she's happy.
Holy crap, Lisa - I'm sorry your mom has passed without you seeing each other again. I'm glad you had been in touch with her, at least.
ReplyDeleteI would do the same as her (sign a DNR) if I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. That would be devastating.
I was stunned to hear she was 74 but then I did some mental subtraction and realized my parents are both 71. Shit time is going too fast.
-Sandy
It's interesting that, although I know my parents are aging just as I am, I have seemed to low-ball just how old they are over the years. After I got the news, I was trying to figure how old she was. Her birth year had slipped my mind, but I knew that she was 28 when she had me. I just went off of that.
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to imagine how she must have felt. My aunt said that when my mom signed the DNR she said what was the point in bringing her back if she had Alzheimers? I do understand her reasoning.
We had a relatively pleasant re-connection. We didn't get into any rehashing of past events, but I kind of made an effort to stay away from all that. You know the old saying...What's done is done. You can't rewrite history, but you can live in the moment and look forward.
For whatever reason I guess things happened the way they were supposed to. Yes, indeed...time is going way too freakin' fast.
I'm late checking in, but I'm very sorry to read this.
ReplyDeleteI think I speak for all of your readers...would love to see a pic of her artwork if you can scan one. Thanks for sharing that. That image of you all laughing in the car is wonderful and so vivid to me. I like that photo of her, too...so much of you shining through. "Process away" and keep writing for yourself and for us.
ReplyDeletexoxo
I'm so sorry to hear that your Mom passed. I remember meeting her way back in the 80's, when she lived in that purple house near Piedmont Park. I remember thinking that your Mom was way cooler than my parents, who lived in a boring suburb of a boring town.
ReplyDeleteMy parents both turned 70 this year, and sometimes I find it hard to really wrap my head around that. Time does indeed fly by.
Alan: Yeah, the purple house. Puts me in mind of mom's landlord at that time who lived upstairs. She knew RuPaul...that's how I met him...her. lol Met some other notables through Barbara (landlord).
ReplyDeleteIt IS hard to wrap your head around the realization of how old your parents are. Of course, then you have to wrap your head around how old YOU are. I know I'm 46, but I sure as hell don't feel like it. Well...most of the time I don't. On a physical level I do at times, but on a mental level...I rarely do. ;)
Pam: Thanks, Pam. I'll look for a photo of her work. I still have to get the piece I got when I was up there for the service. I believe she has a bunch of slides of other stuff from several years back, and I did inherit her projector and screen. I plan to get some slides when I go back up. The times she had stuff in galleries, her stuff flew out the door. I remember once years ago when she, and friend of hers, and I went to an artists showing at someone's house (think it was a batik artist), and when we walked in a painting of my mom's was hanging over the sofa. Never met any of the people involved with the show, so it was a purely random event. Was pretty cool.